Who Wants a Toddler for Sale?

Who wants a toddler for sale?
I know of one, I do!
With emerging teeth and a runny nose,
And diapers full of poo.
She's lovable and huggable,
(But only on her terms).
And there are lots of things she can do for you,
If you are willing to watch and learn.


For instance...


She can "improve" your other children's artwork with her own splashes of color and design.

She can be a taste tester for you of anything that resembles food, unless of course it's real food that you have cooked and expect her to eat for dinner.

She's great at hide and go seek, especially with your toothbrush... and you've put her in time out for the 100th time for taking it out of your drawer and hiding in the closet to suck the juice out of it (did I mention the runny nose?).

She's a good alarm clock at 4:30 in the morning... Just in case you wanted to get up and, oh, I don't know, do that exercise program you've been meaning to do for the last 2 years.

She's the best darn imitator of a fish out of water that I've ever seen.  This is especially true when trying to do a simple task like putting on her shirt.

Oh, and she's very neat and tidy... Always cleaning out her diaper for you so you don't have to... Especially on the way to church ("Do you smell that, Jason?").

She can put her shoes on all by herself... And take them off every-time-you-get-in-the-car... And refuse to put them back on when you have to get out.

She's especially great at sitting still... But only while she's asleep.

If you have something that is difficult to reach, she's got the stickiest little fingers! and laser-like eyes that can see through drawers and find the one thing you don't want her to have.

She makes a great toilet brush...

And is a good little thief of pens, markers, cell phones, keys, wallets...

She's an excellent computer technician... Daddy is especially grateful for that!

And she makes a great live baby doll for older siblings.

If you ever want to yell at someone but don't want them to know what you are saying (like in another language), she is good for that.  And it's simply icing on the cake when she breaks out the "oh, no you didn't" finger.  


She's good for testing your patience...


Your sanity...


Your nerves...


And she's incredibly, undeniably, OVERWHELMINGLY easy to love.


*Adapted from the book Who Wants a Cheap Rhinoceros?