Seven Years Ago

Before she ever even had a heartbeat, I knew her name.  I was driving home from work thinking of what we would call her.  It would be a year and nine months before I would ever see her face, but at that moment I knew her name.  Jason loved it, too, and so it was.

The day of her arrival happened far differently than I ever imagined it would.  I knew the moment my eyes opened that this would be the day.  My water had broken.  But it was before office hours, so we would have to call the doc-on-call and wait... and wait... and wait...  We didn't realize the business of having babies wasn't nearly as rushed as we had in our minds.

After finally being summoned to come on in for a check, we were right and admitted.  Again, waiting.  Waiting for a room to get ready.  Waiting for the doctor.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  With it being my first, I wondered if she'd come right there in the waiting room.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  I wasn't even CLOSE to that moment.

We spent the next 24 hours waiting.  It was a fun first 12 or so hours, if I can say that.  We ordered pizza, had Dairy Queen, watched American Idol.  It was a breeze.  But, just as you would suspect, the pains finally set in and what I thought was labor had begun.  But, I was wrong.  My labor wasn't progressing along.  And the doctor ordered pitocin early the next morning.

Still, more waiting.  But this time the waiting was accompanied by pain.  I focused on just making it through one at a time.  Surely, it wouldn't be long, right?  I mean, it had been 27 hours already!  Well, six hours later...

... I laid my eyes on a part of me that I had known for nine months but had never met.  That moment, seeing her for the first time, was indescribable.  I imagined what she would look like for endless hours in my mind.  Yet, she was far more beautiful, with far more hair, and far more petite that I had dreamed.  She was so incredibly perfect, and though I didn't know it yet, a dream baby.

Our sweet Ella, whom we had called by name for almost two years, was finally in our arms.  She was our first encounter with absolute sacrificial love... The beginning of our journey to learning more about ourselves than we imagined... And the start of our beautiful life lived out fully.

My Ella,


There is a part of my heart that will always hold you so close.  You are my first and you have changed me so much.  For the better.  Forever.  I hardly can recognize the person I was before you.


To know you is to be so incredibly blessed. You are and have always been a sweet, serving, loving, introspective soul.  And, this year there have been changes in you that bring my heart warmth.  I have seen you stepping out, becoming more confident in who you are and what you think.  I've watch you taking hold of the spiritual gifts you have been given and using them selflessly.  I've witnessed you love with depth and sensitivity.  I've experienced personally your mature ability to forgive easily.  You are becoming an even more beautiful soul than I thought possible.


There's just something about you that makes me want to squeeze you until you burst.  The way you sit and read a book from cover to cover without any regard for what is going on around you... The way you can knock a ball out of any park and giggle like it was no big deal.... The way you pick up a broom, a rake, a sibling, anything to help without saying a word... The way you nearly burst from your own skin in anticipation of something exciting going on.... The way you put your arms around Daddy's neck like he's your first love... The way still want me to play with you and ask me ten times a day to do so... The way you fall asleep with 6-8 books underneath you, on top of you, at your feet... The way you write me notes, or draw me pictures to remind me of God's love when I myself am not showing it... And when I peek in your Go West class and our eyes meet, instantly a smile covers your face.  I live for that sweet little moment of the day with you.


You are such an incredible little lady, Ella.  There is a depth to you that you are just beginning to uncover.  And I'm humbled and forever grateful that you are ours and we are yours.  From that moment I first met you, your impact on me has been far greater than mine will ever be on you. What a joy and honor it is to be your momma.  I love you always, to the moon and back, and with all that I am.  Happy 7th birthday, my sweet.  And many, many, many more.


Love,


Momma

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