We talked a lot. She asked various of questions. Mostly, "Do you think this is it?" but other curious questions, too. We laughed together, as much as I tried not to... It only intensified the pains.
After a while of things not easing up, I decided to wake Jason. We rode together in the car in the middle of the night, just as we had done several times before, knowing that in just a few hours our lives would be changed dramatically.
We received our room and after the (un)necessary ritual poking, prodding, and pricking I was told 4-5 cm... It would still be a while. Having done this before without the use of drugs I really wanted this time to be different. The pain can be so intense and it's only natural to fight it, as I had done in the past. But this time, after some self-training in hypnobirthing I did things a little differently.
I wasn't hypnotized, as the word suggests, but I was so much more relaxed. I wish I had known about this 5 years ago. I can remember feeling the pain so differently. I kept expecting it to get worse... much worse... But it never did. It was easy, if I can say that. As easy as it could possibly be, considering.
After a three hour nap I awoke feeling that the time would come shortly. The doctor came and prepared for his arrival. My sister, Ali, had the camera ready. We all just waited. I was focused, however, not letting the pain get to me.
Then, it was time. The chord was wrapped around his shoulder and had to be untangled. And within a few minutes he was here. Perfect in every way. Our first son. He already had my entire heart.
My sweet, sweet Kaden,
How could we have known that you would sweep all of us off our feet? We have fallen madly in love with you, our precious little boy. You belong to all of us and you have captured each of our hearts in such a special way. There's just something so captivating about your crooked smile, your priceless dimples, your breathy "hi", your belly laughs, and all of your latest "firsts" to love.
Almost from the very start you have been easy as pie. You are a chill, go with the flow, laid back kinda guy. We still find ourselves pinching each other in disbelief. While the ones that came before you were easy babes, you have just been off the charts.
The reasons to love you are endless, but a few that come quickly to mind are: how you say hi with your chubby hands and breathy voice, the way you suck your two middle fingers and lay your head on my shoulder before bed, how you giggle at your sisters, the way you playfully climb all over me like a puppy dog wanting to play, the way you love to splash all the water out of the bathtub and laugh uncontrollably, the way you bounce like Tigger when sitting, or rather standing, on my lap, the way you are just as God intended, fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are so, so precious to us, K-Bugs. We had no idea what we were missing and I'm so thankful God had bigger plans for our family. You have brought such a special joy and peace to the five of us. We are forever changed for knowing you and forever blessed for getting to love and be loved by you. Happy first birthday, sweet K. I love you to the ends of the earth!
Mommy
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