God Appointed

I suppose she just knew.  I have found that those who have experienced similar pain just know.  No, she hadn't looked at my charts.  I could tell by her questioning.  I walked into the dimly lit room finally dealing with the heaviness of having to do this again.  My pensiveness must've been what gave it away.

"Are you okay?"  Cathy was her name.  She asked with gentleness.

"Yes.  I'm fine," I have a tendency to brush off not knowing if the person really cares.

"Ok.  You just seem like something is bothering you."

And the silent tears began to fall.  "Well, it's just that I lost a baby.  The last time I did this... it wasn't good."

"Oh, I'm so sorry.  I lost one too," and she put her hand on mine.  There was an instant connection.  I don't know if I can explain it, but the comfort brought by others who have been through something similar is just a heaviness lifted.

"How far along were you?" she asked.

"Nearly 42 weeks."

"Mine, it was my first, was 41 weeks."  The connection began to grow.

"May I ask, what happened?"  I wanted to know.  Not many lose a child that late.

"It was his cord."  And then, there was no denying, this was an appointment by God.  He continues to give me good gifts, even in grief... Even as we celebrate new life with fear and trepidation... Good gifts.  She had been down the exact road I went down - that I was currently on.

She went on to speak truth to me.  She didn't mince words.  This would be tough.  There will be times of great fear.  The pregnancy will be difficult for that reason alone.  But, she encouraged me.  She said there will be such JOY when they lay that baby on my chest.  Nothing will compare.  And then, in that moment, is when I will breathe again.

Cathy went on to have another perfectly happy, healthy baby boy.  She asked about my support system and gave me her personal number should I ever need to talk.  She knew I might need it for the days ahead.  And then we watched.  We saw the heart beat.  We saw the arms and legs moving and kicking in a happy, life filled way.  And He "turned my mourning into dancing..." Psalm 30:11.