It's Good to be Queen

Gracyn.  What can I say about her?  Well, for starters, she has a smile that can change the world.  Everyone talks about "that smile" of hers.  Her Sunday school teachers call her "Smiley" because it's glued on.  Strangers comment on it.  It's hard not to notice it.

She's now five.  It's a funny thing.  My older kiddos I always think of as older than they really are... And my younger ones seems to be perpetually young.  I really have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that she's five.  When I look at her I still see a toddler in footed jammies, hair all disheveled, and a giant paci stuck in her mouth.  But then comes a glimpse.  A glimpse of her face maturing... Her words larger than any two year old should know... And her amazingly calm nature (compared to the terrible two's)... That's when I realize she is five.  She is growing.  She is going to get older and older whether I see it every day or not.

I see much of myself in Gracyn.  Whenever I watch old family movies of my younger years, everyone's always asking, "Where's Erin?"  That's because I was happily playing quietly in my room.  No need for big crowds.  Well, that's Gracyn.  She has no better friend than her brother, but she's also often in her own thoughts, her own quiet peace.  I understand that.  I get that.  And she gets it from me.

Gracyn is all girl.  At four years old she would tell me how much she disliked her hair.  FOUR YEARS OLD.  Ella and Hannah didn't even know they had hair until 7 years of age.  Seriously!  To be in all curls, nails painted, lipstick and "paintbrush" (aw, who really wants to tell her it's called cheek blush?) and a ballerina tutu is a day that just takes the cake for her.  She's often persuading her brother to dress up (in a tutu that is).  And if he's not available, she picks out a dress for Mommy and we dance just the two of us in my room.

These are memories that I'm going to seal in my mind never to be forgotten.  Truly.  She doesn't know that I'm fighting back tears as I dance alongside her.  Knowing that these days are fleeting.  Knowing that these moments are priceless and rare.  Knowing that we are connecting in a way that only she and I can.

Five.  At five years old Gracyn prays to God in a way that took me thirty years.  Unabashedly, unashamedly, and with sweet and tender passion.  Those prayers won't be written here.  They are for her and the Lord.  But, I'm oh, so thankful I get to listen in.  That's when I really hear her heart for Him.

I wonder what five more years will bring.  Will I still think of her as three, or maybe four?  Or will my heart and mind catch up with my eyes?  I don't want it to flash by as quickly as the first five.  But, I'm learning that the more miles we go, we go with ever increasing acceleration.

My little Gray-gray,

You are beautiful through and through.  I am sometimes in wonderment at your beauty.  But your heart, your heart is what just melts your daddy and I.  We love your sweet tenderness.  We love your affection.  We love your joy.  You are a beautiful creation of God and we are so blessed to be able to witness His growing of you.

At five years old, you are getting to know yourself.  You're making case for your own likes and dislikes and getting comfortable with decisions you and you alone make.  I can see confidence growing in you and I pray it grows greater as you learn who you are in Christ.  I pray that you will stand grounded in what He desires you to be and you will make no apologies for it.

You and I connect through cooking.  You love to be in the kitchen with me as I make dinner for the evening.  And nothing is more fun than "making sumping".  This is when we get out the cheap flour and spices I bought from the store for you to make your own concoctions of sweet treats.  You always want me to cook it, even though you know it's nothing you can eat.  Then the house begins to fill with the awkward aroma of lemon pepper and cinnamon.

Some of my favorites about you... You still ask me to interpret Blackie Black's (our guinea pig) grunts and strange noises.  I love it that you think she's really saying "I love Gracey" in guine pigese.  And when I want you to put her away, all I have to do is tell you, "She says, 'I'm tired now, Gracyn.  Put me back in my cage please.'"  You giggle a little and do as  I  she says.  I love to hear you sing when we drive down the road.  You gaze out the window - in your own world letting the music wash over you. I love how you still cover up your stuffed animals in your bed at night.  Your dollies get a warm place to sleep too.  You are a momma in the making, there's no doubt about that.  I love your quiet.  I love that you think often about things and don't need everyone else's affirmation for your thoughts.

Gracyn, we adore you.  We love every inch of you inside and out.  You are such a gift to us.  These first five years have shown me glimpses of the years ahead and I'm so proud of what I see.  He is building in you a love and compassion for others that not many are gifted with.  We pray that this and your many other gifts will be woven together so beautifully to fulfill His purpose for you precious life.  Happy birthday, Gray.  Love you, sunshine.

Love,

Mommy