Her Face

Should you ever come into our office and sit at my desk, you will see her.  Her picture is on my screen.  Some people may think that is so strange.  Why would you want a picture of your dead child?  I remember back when a famous family took pictures of their child born too soon.  There was... no other word to describe it but outrage... by some.  Oh, how I get it now.

When I look around me I get to see the beautiful smiles of my living children... Hear their laugher, hug their necks.  But, Lilia is a memory only.  I try to remember what she felt like in my womb.  I wish I could go back to those months and cherish more of how she tossed and turned inside.  I want desperately to be able to hold her again.

But, I can't.  Seeing her face, however, brings so much peace.  I will never have to wonder, "What was the shape of her nose?" or "How full were her lips?" or "Did she look more like Kaden or Ella... Or Hannah or Gracyn?"  Having a picture of her is a constant reminder that she was.  She is a part... A HUGE part of our lives.

A mother's heart is always with her children.  Whether living or in heaven.  Seeing Lilia each day is knowing where my part of my heart is.  It is undoubtedly with her... Dancing and laughing and twirling with unabashed joy.